The Deliberations of The Council…
If you are Peer in this Kingdom (The West) then you know this rule:
The Deliberations of The Council are secret.
You don’t have to agree with that rule. You just have to follow it.
Yet I have now over the years of my involvement as a Peer had to deal with multiple times where some idiot decided they could violate that rule. Most of the time this has not resulted in a lot of difficulty in the long run but it does cause problems. And I have never once seen a situation where doing so improved anything. It only causes pain and resentment. But this time…..
This time is different. Why?
BECAUSE I HAD TO FUCKING TALK SOMEONE DOWN WHO USED THE WORDS “CONSIDERING SUICIDE” DUE IN LARGE PART TO HOW MUCH PAIN THE ASSHOLES WHO BROKE THAT RULE CAUSED!!!
I SUDDENLY FOUND MYSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF PEOPLE I KNOW WHO LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH GET TORN TO SHREDS BECAUSE A SELF-RIGHTEOUS MORON DECIDED TO INTERJECT THEIR PERSONAL OPINION INTO THE SITUATION WITHOUT CONSIDERING THE REAL CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS.
DISAGREE? GO BACK AND READ THE WORDS “CONSIDERING SUICIDE” AS MANY TIMES AS NEEDED UNTIL YOU REALIZE HOW KIND I’M ACTUALLY BEING. IF YOU ARE THE REASON WHY SOMEONE WOULD SAY SUCH A THING THEN YOU ARE A SHITTY HUMAN.
And let me be painfully clear about this — if you have never dealt with someone who has uttered those words in such a way that you can’t tell where they are on their emotional scale, then you have to understand something: You don’t take a chance that it might be hyperbole. You stick it out, do your best to control your own emotions, and you gently work on finding a way to pull them back from those words until you at least feel like they are safe again. And you keep your finger hovering over the appropriate phone numbers on your phone until you have assured confidence that they are back in a managed place.
In case you are thinking something along the lines of “well, they are over reacting” let me point something out to you. You DON’T know how bad it can get for someone. You DON’T know how much pain you can cause in someones life because you FUCKING DON’T KNOW what state THEY ARE ALREADY IN, what trials they have already been dealing with, how much pain they are currently managing, or how much disruption to their lives they already have. Sometimes all it takes is adding one more thing to the pile to push someone over the edge.
The deliberations of the council are secret because as Peers we will INEVITABLY find ourselves having to evaluate our friends and loved ones. If you don’t think that happens you are delusional. That means that sooner or later, as a PEER, you are going to find yourself having to decide if your best buddy/girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse really has been doing what they need to do, or if they have a bad habit, behavior, or PR problem that is holding them back, and more importantly IF YOU HAVE THE BRASS BALLS IT TAKES TO STAND UP AND SAY SO!
Unless you opt to not be there, which is a perfectly understandable choice. I will say only one thing about that choice — if you aren’t there to explain then you aren’t there to explain and that can mean that a misinterpretation or misrepresentation can be perpetuated without any realization at all from anyone. The council might not make the best decision if they don’t have all the facts. That’s true no matter what the situation is.
But if you are there then at the very least you should have the confidence to be able to rely on that one simple rule as you stand up and say something like “Look, I love this person, but I have to say something here that is going to hurt….”
It’s hard enough to get up and say something negative about a person you care about without also having to take the time to say to yourself “well, so-and-so is sitting in council today, so I know if I say anything then I might as well just post it on Facebook because they sure as fuck are just going to blab anyway.”
There are ways we have to deal with what gets talked about in council. Ways to get a proper level of information out of the council to the appropriate people without having to hurt anyone or circumvent that one simple rule, and yes, we’re human beings who make mistakes. A perfect storm of miscommunication can AND DOES happen. It sure as hell is happening this time. There is a lot of perfectly legitimate pain and anger to go around here. But anyone who takes the council discussion outside of the council directly to candidates IS NOT HELPING ANYONE!!! ALL YOU ARE DOING IS CAUSING HARM, DISHONORING YOURSELF, AND THE PEERAGE YOU ARE PART OF!!!
YOU ARE MAKING THINGS WORSE, NOT BETTER!!!
If nothing else, you aren’t even reporting the actual facts. You are, at best, repeating words out of context and adding your own SELF RIGHTEOUS BULLSHIT to them.
If you have a problem with something someone says in council than you talk to that person in council. Or you talk to that person outside of council about why they have taken the stance they have taken. If you feel like you’ve been lied to or misrepresented then you deal directly and privately with that person ONLY! You don’t dump any of this on the candidate! THEY DON’T KNOW ANY OF THIS AND NO MATTER HOW “ACCURATE” YOU THINK YOU ARE BEING, YOU ARE STILL DOING NOTHING MORE THAN PLAYING THE SHITTIEST GAME OF TELEPHONE EVER!!!
Let me say that again: NO MATTER HOW “ACCURATE” YOU THINK YOU ARE BEING, YOU — YES YOU — ARE STILL DOING NOTHING MORE THAN PLAYING THE SHITTIEST GAME OF TELEPHONE EVER!!!
We are FUCKING PEERS, and this rule EXISTS and you KNOW IT EXISTS and you KNOW WHY IT EXISTS!
And until YOU are the one who has to talk down a person who has been hurt so deeply that the word “suicide” creeps into the conversation because some SELF RIGHTEOUS MORON couldn’t follow one simple rule, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING about just how bad a situation like this can be and you sure as hell don’t have any kind of moral ground to stand on.
(Note: Yes, I know at least one of the culprits. I have my suspicions about the involvement of at least three others. I wish I was surprised at the possibilities of who it is.)